If a woman has to continually go over the top to impress a man just to get him to stick around, then how will they ever stay together? I don't think they will... Just a thought.
I hear that men want to be impressed, but what I know from looking around me is that men don't love their wives until they're both dead because they're impressed. My grandparents are 85 (step grandma) and 92 (grandpa) and they've still stayed together for longer than I've been alive even though they often don't impress each other. My friends that are married are frequently unimpressed by each other, but that isn't reason for them to leave each other.
So why am I hearing so much about how men want to be so impressed by a woman if they're considering a relationship with her? Are they thinking that will always be what a relationship is based on? Are they thinking she will sustain those expectations for life? I actually don't think these are healthy expectations and I don't think they follow Christ's model of love either. I don't think God wants us to love within relationships on those kinds of conditions. If a person is cheating or abusive, then those are conditions to leave them or separate on, but if not, then there really aren't any other reasons. If you're with a person who loves God, then you're with a person who is continually committed to improving themselves, and that should be impressive enough.
"1. Long distance makes good communication a must. We learned how to communicate and how to ask interesting questions because all we had was a verbal connection. We didn’t have facial expression or body language as cues to help us understand each other, which meant figuring out how to ask for clarification when we didn’t understand something and made a shared sense of humor an important quality. Now that we are living in the same city, we have discovered the benefit of having built a strong foundation early on." - Boundless.org article on long distance dating
Past relationships have taught me: 1. A man who checks out everytime there is a challenging conversation doesn't really want a relationship, and there's no point in trying with him. 2. When someone is taking care of their own sexual needs they don't have much desire for marriage or working things out. 3. To stay true to my values because I'm not going to give them up in the end anyway. 4. That humans are not reliable and are mostly wrong, but God always knows what is best and He is always right. I've tried dating outside the church for lack of decent local Seventh Day Adventist men, so I completely understand why God tells us not to be unequally yoked. So here I am trying to do things right this time by looking in a better spot for a relationship.
Believing in the Bible and Ellen White's writings and doing as God has told us to do in his works.
Considering that this is a dating website, I hope we can keep in mind what Sister Ellen White enlightened us of:
"To trifle with hearts is a crime of no small magnitude in the sight of a holy God. And yet some will show preference for young ladies and call out their affections, and then go their way and forget all about the words they have spoken and their effect. A new face attracts them, and they repeat the same words, devote to another the same attentions.
This disposition will reveal itself in the married life. The marriage relation does not always make the fickle mind firm, the wavering steadfast and true to principle. They tire of constancy, and unholy thoughts will manifest themselves in unholy actions?
The women in this age, both married and unmarried, too frequently do not maintain the reserve that is necessary. They encourage the attentions of single and married men, and those who are weak in moral power will be ensnared. Thoughts are awakened that would not have been if woman had kept her place in all modesty and sobriety.
By being circumspect, reserved, taking no liberties, receiving no unwarrantable attentions, but preserving a high moral tone and becoming dignity, much evil might be avoided.
Women are too often tempters. On one pretense or another they engage the attention of men, married or unmarried, and lead them on till they transgress the law of God, till their usefulness is ruined, and their souls are in jeopardy.
Shall not the women professing the truth keep strict guard over themselves, lest the least encouragement be given to unwarrantable familiarity? They may close many a door of temptation if they will observe at all times strict reserve and propriety of deportment." - Ellen G. White on Trifling with Hearts in Letters to Young Lovers, p. 74 online
My values: I highly value being a vegetarian as it has served me well all of my life. I am now learning to be vegan. I do believe in and accept everything Ellen White has to say in her writings as divine inspiration from God, although I do not hold anything she has written above the Bible. That does mean I do realize that women should be submissive (as I am naturally), but not to a man's debased, perverse requests/demands/desires. I've taken Abnormal Psych ("The lack of desire for sex outside of marriage or for any religious reason is not and never was psychologically abnormal." - Psychology Professor Lee Kooler, Abnormal Psych, Fall of 2015, Modesto Junior College). As God-fearing Christians, we should have a good attitude towards learning. So for my own self-study, I have read the 5 Love Languages and am learning to reconcile the physical aspect of love within dating without premarital sex.
"My question, what if you find out before marriage that she is good? But you fail to prioritize other essentials that reveal your compatibility?
See, the problem with the "test drive the car" mentality is the same problem that launches marriages into divorce. The problem is that they rush in and prioritize something that should be spared instead of focusing on the true aspects of marital compatibility.
I'll step back into the car analogy real quick. They fall in love with the stereo and not the whole car. But if you neglect to consider all aspects of the car then you may realize, after you've bought it, that there are other things you don't like about it. Then eventually you may not want to drive the car... and if you don't drive the car, then you won't be listening to that beloved stereo much. K, now I'm stepping out of the car analogy."